The Epidemic of Loneliness
Many of societies’ problems can be traced back to loneliness
addiction – substance abuse, eatingdepressionprostitutionthe hook up culturetransactional relationships
All of these things, and many more, happen because we all just want to be seen and experience the intimacy of belonging. When we can’t get what we want, we either find something that will approximate what we are looking for, or we numb ourselves out so we don’t feel the pain of disconnection.
There is a Better Way
Loneliness is a two pronged problem. The first part has to do with how you show up. The second has to do with finding someone who is capable of connecting authentically. If you aren’t present and available, nothing can happen, so let’s look at that first.
Are You Healthy and Secure?
Authentic connection happens when two beings show up with open hearts and without masks or agendas. If I am coming to the table with neediness, insecurities, a desire to rescue someone, fear of abandonment, fear that I am not good enough as I am, or lots of other baggage, that is going to interfere with my ability to feel connected.
If I have to hide myself from the person I want to connect with, I am not there. So even if we have a great time, I may still feel sad and separate inside.
Only when I am safe and secure can I be present with all my goodness, sadness, quirky, curious reality. I don’t have to be perfect, but I have to be me.
Are You Reaching Out to Healthy Things?
The healthier you are, the easier it will be for you to connect with people, places, and things of all energy levels. You’re stability will help to stabilize your surroundings and keep things on an even keel.
However, your stability is not enough to change things on a permanent or deep level. Eventually, you’re going to feel the impact of the other person’s reality. So, while this may be a satisfying relationship, it will also probably feel less connected than you want it to be because they simply don’t have the ability to connect on the level that you want to.
This is okay! It just means that it’s effective to adjust your expectations and maintain healthy boundaries.
This doesn’t mean things are hopeless. Nature is always open and available to connect. So is Spirit. There is always authentic connection available there. While, it’s not human to human, the more deeply connected you are to everything else, the less space there is for loneliness. And connection to anyone becomes a choice, not a need or compulsion, so you’re more likely to make healthier choices.