Avoid this like the plague!

Why "Compromise" Is a Bad Word

If you grew up like me, you were taught to compromise. This is a horrible idea! Let me tell you why!

Compromise Is a Lose/Lose 

The word "compromise" is a verb that means to arrive at a settlement by each side making concessions. That's a lose/lose proposition! 

Neither side gets what they want! Why would anyone want that? 

Go For the Win/Win

Why not go for the win/win? If both parties get what they want, they are each more likely to uphold their end of the bargain.

Think about it. Compromise is why many separated parents end up back in court. While their arrangement may seem fair on paper, it may not feel good inside. Especially if neither of them got what they wanted.

How To Get to the Win/Win

So the win/win might sound better, but how does one achieve this? 

Define the problem. This is to make sure that both sides are on the same page. You can't negotiate until you've clearly defined the topic.
State your desired outcome. Make sure this is also clear. Who knows, maybe you're already in agreement and all you needed to do was step 1.
Brainstorm. Brainstorming is about being creative and throwing out ideas that are not obvious. Don't be afraid to be silly or outlandish. The point is not to solve the problem yet, just to be in an open minded place so innovative solutions can reveal themselves.
Discuss options. Now find the solution that you both feel wildly excited about. Don't compromise. Don't use obligation or guilt to arrive at what you want. Wait for the solution that you're ecstatic about. It's worth exploring until you get there. 

I have counseled couples through the years who were proud of their ability to compromise. I used to do it too. Now I know better.

It's much better to create a life that you love rather than the one you think is fair. 

Fair can suck. Dare to live happily.


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