How To Know You’re Done With Therapy After PTSD or C-PTSD

Most people don’t stay in therapy long enough to heal. They stay long enough to feel better. These are not the same things.

As a coach, I’ve seen three reasons why people quit prematurely:

• Sometimes this is because the client really is just motivated to feel well enough to continue tolerating their situation.
• Other times it’s because they are focused on improving certain aspects of their situation, and when those are better, they move on.
• When someone has C-PTSD, they often have never seen what “well” looks like, so they don’t know what they are trying to attain, the new, healthy situation feels too scary, and/or they don’t know what to ask for to help their coach help them.

I’ve created this list that shows some of the targets you may wish to aim for if you have PTSD or C-PTSD so you know how you’re doing and how far you have to go.

Obviously, every situation is different. It may be useful to talk with your therapist or coach before stopping services to get some assistance in making this choice as you may have blind spots that you don’t see, but they do. It’s also a good idea to taper down vs. quitting cold turkey altogether. This gives you a chance to navigate your life without support to see how it goes before going it alone.

Some Signs You Are Well Enough to Stop Coaching for PTSD or C-PTSD

1. I am embodied, not dissociated. I feel present in my body most of the time.
2. I can tolerate conflict without needing to escape, freeze, or shut down. I can negotiate until a win/win is found.
3. I wake up with enough energy to get through the day.
4. I have regular bowel movements without diarrhea, constipation, or needing laxatives.
5. I can listen to my body and take breaks when I need to without feeling guilty.
6. I have a healthy appetite. I know when I am hungry, and I eat regularly without forcing it or forgetting to. My food choices are healthy.
7. I use the bathroom regularly, without diarrhea, constipation, or needing laxatives.
8. I don’t feel numb in my body. I can feel touch, temperature, and other sensations normally.
9. I don’t have unexplained aches, pains, or tension that flares when I’m stressed.
10. I have a healthy sex drive. I can experience love making to orgasm. Sex is part of my life, not a preoccupation.
11. My body has a routine. I wake up at the same time every day, go to sleep at the same time, get hungry at predictable times, etc. When I vary from this routine, I can feel it. It feels “off.”
12. My startle response is normal. I don’t jump at every loud noise or sudden movement.
13. My brain isn’t always scanning for danger. I can focus, concentrate, finish tasks, and be present.
14. I can breathe deeply and slowly without it feeling forced or scary.
15. I can fall asleep and stay asleep most nights without my body feeling “on guard.”
16. I have a regular hygiene routine — showering, brushing my teeth — without it feeling like a huge effort
17. I have a consistent sleep schedule.
18. I meditate or have some kind of regular mindfulness practice.
19. I exercise or move my body regularly.
20. My financial life is in order. I pay my bills on time and don’t overspend.
21. My house is in order. It’s reasonably clean, well maintained, and things are orderly.
22. I can feel a full range of emotions — sadness, anger, joy — without getting stuck in one or shutting them all down.
23. I don’t feel shame just for having needs or feelings.
24. I can be upset without spiraling into a crisis.
25. I can self-soothe when I’m distressed, without turning to something harmful.
26. When things go awry, I bounce back relatively quickly.
27. I can set and keep boundaries without guilt or fear of punishment.
28. I can stay present during disagreements instead of assuming I’m in danger.
29. I choose relationships that are healthy for me, not ones that repeat old patterns.
30. I can be close to people without losing myself or needing to control the relationship.
31. My relationships are mutually satisfying, not transactional.
32. I can attend a social engagement without wanting to back out or feeling exhausted afterward.
33. My day to day life includes healthy people, work, and things, not just avoiding the ones who trigger me.
34. My environment (home, work, social circles) reflects the person I am now, not the situations I survived.
35. I’ve built a life that supports my wellbeing, rather than just managing to get by in the same conditions.
36. I know who I am outside of my trauma. I have my own identity, opinions, and preferences and make that known.
37. I like myself.
38. I mean what I say and say what I mean. I don’t manipulate, hint, or bend the truth. I’m trustworthy and have integrity.
39. I can ask for, and accept, help from others.
40. I can make mistakes without spiraling into judgment and feelings of worthlessness.
41. I know what I want and what I like. I can make decisions for myself without needing constant reassurance from others. I choose myself over the need to fit in or be liked.
42. I can function at work, school, or home consistently, not just in short bursts.
43. My coping skills work in real situations, not just in theory.
44. Healthy coping skills are something I do automatically. They’ve just become a part of the way I move through life- not something I have to think about – unless I’m overwhelmed.
45. I’ve gone a good stretch of time (months, not days) without a major setback or crisis.

This is not a black and white checklist. You don’t have to hit every mark, and you may have things on your list that don’t appear here. So, think of it as a place to start to help you see how well you are doing, know what to focus on to achieve wellness, and to know what help to ask for.

Healing is not linear. It looks different for different people. If you are not making the progress that you think you should be, don’t judge yourself. Talk with your provider to see if you can streamline things because quite often the order in which you do things matters.

For example, you might really want to focus on improving your romantic relationship, but improving your daily routine is more effective. Creating healthy habits gives you more energy, focus, and emotional stability so everything you do is enhanced.

The big takeaway is that healing is possible. There are milestones that help you to see that you’re making progress.

healing ptsd