“It Wasn’t Me!” How Defensiveness is Not Attractive
It's Time to Upgrade Your Definition of Sexy
When we're twenty-one, the only criterion that most of us have for defining whether someone is attractive or not is looks. It's an "If the exterior looks good, I want it" type of attitude.
However, once you get burned by that a time or two, it's time to consider adding a few more bullet points to the list of "must haves" and "must not haves." One giant relationship destroyer is defensiveness.
What's Wrong With Defensiveness?
Relationship expert, John Gottman, made a bold claim years ago. He said that he can tell within minutes whether a couple will "make it" or not. It all comes down to four things: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Here's how defensiveness destroys connection.
After a few rounds with defensiveness, you may find your definition of "attractive" changes. Perhaps it starts to include things like trustworthy, honest, dependable, kind, helpful, and responsible. Emotional and creative intelligence start to sky rocket up the list in order of importance.
If that's something you need help with, check out my online community and events where we cultivate that so we can be amazing people and partners.