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“It Wasn’t Me!” How Defensiveness is Not Attractive
It’s Time to Upgrade Your Definition of Sexy When we’re twenty-one, the only criterion that most of us have for defining whether someone is attractive or not is looks. It’s an “If the exterior looks good, I want it” type of attitude. However, once you get burned by that a time or two, it’s time
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People Pleasing: Why We Do It and How to Stop
“I Just Want to Be Nice” Many people pleasers think that they do what they do because they want to be nice. They think they are helping. People please is a trauma response. It’s called fawning. We do it to stay safe, avoid criticism, fit in, and feel good about ourselves. It’s a way to
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How to Stop Objectifying People
Why Objectifying People is a Problem Objectification in western society is so common that we don’t even respond to it. It’s an accepted norm. We talk about celebrities as if they aren’t real people with real feelings. We post photos of strangers in Walmart with captions so others can laugh at them. Young, scantily clad
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Why Stonewalling is a Powerful Relationship Killer
What’s Stonewalling? Are You Doing It? Stonewalling is an unhealthy response to conflict. Lots of people who don’t know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way, advocate for themselves, or manage their emotions do it to stay safe from overwhelming emotions. They take on the posture of a stone wall. They are immovable. Perhaps
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What Does Being Too Available Say About You
Are You “too available?” What Message Are You Sending By Being Too Available? Believe it or not, being too available can work against you. Here’s what messages you could be sending. I have no life People with interesting lives are far more attractive than those with nothing going on. If you are always available, you
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What You Didn’t Know About Yelling But Should
“But he only listens when I yell” This is what I hear from all my clients who admit to an angry communication issue. It’s not true, and it’s not a reason to justify screaming. Yelling Inhibits Trust and Understanding Yelling is a power play to state “I am mightier than you.” It’s a way of
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Am I Too Critical?
10 Signs That You’re Too Critical Relationship expert, John Gottman, identifies criticism as one of the things that cause relationships to fail. I once knew someone who complained, criticized, and highlighted the negativity in every situation. Whew! What a downer! Although she had some lovely qualities, they weren’t enough to overcome her negativity, and I
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How Am I Limiting Love?
If you aren’t in a happy relationship, and want to be, the answer is yes! Are You Holding Yourself Back From Love? Read on, and I will share the most common unconscious beliefs that limit love. But before we begin, let’s talk about limiting beliefs. What Are Limiting Beliefs? Limiting beliefs are also called maladaptive
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Why External Validation Is Never Enough
Remember this? Do You Like Me? Yes or No Remember when we were little kids and someone would slip you a note in school that read, “Do you like me?” and there would be a box to check yes or no? It was innocent and cute to get that kind of approval back then, but
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How to Let Go of “I’m Okay if You’re Okay”
Let that go! It’s Exhausting to Get Your Inner Calm From Other People Imagine that you are on a new mom with a baby. Whenever the baby cries, you get anxious. You do everything you can to calm the baby, and can’t relax until the baby is fine. Sometimes you know exactly what the baby
