Are You "too available?"

What Message Are You Sending By Being Too Available?

Believe it or not, being too available can work against you. Here's what messages you could be sending.

I have no life

People with interesting lives are far more attractive than those with nothing going on. If you are always available, you can look boring.

You are more important than me

We want people we care about and serve to feel important. We want to help, but when you drop everything whenever they reach out, you send the message that they are more important than you are. This could lead to them taking you for granted and making requests that leave you feeling taken for granted.

I have no boundaries

Everybody needs to sleep, work, chill, and do nothing. If you give away all your time to whomever asks for it, you won't have it for yourself. Worse, you create an open door where people can, and will, treat you however they want. It's far better to say no when you mean no. It creates healthier, more satisfying, and meaningful relationships.

What To Do Instead?

Prioritize. If it's more important in this moment to get some work done, do that. If it's sleep, socializing, or cleaning the house, commit to that.
Set and stick to a turn off time. When you leave work, leave work. When you go to bed, turn off your phone. Turn off your notifications. Create the space you need to separate from the outside world.
Create your own fun. If your availability comes from wanting to be entertained, entertain yourself. Do you.
Trust the process. The world won't fall apart without you. Your true friends won't leave. Healthy partners won't get upset because you set boundaries. Be willing to let go of anyone who doesn't respect your boundaries because the price of that relationship is too high.

I know that being available can feel like you're being kind, neighborly, and a good human. 

All relationships are a balance of me and we. The more we give to others, the less we have for and of ourselves. We lose independence to gain community. Be mindful of where you draw the line so you don't lose yourself in the process.


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