How To Be a Safe Person
The number one emotional need for all human beings is safety. Some of us think of it constantly and do things to create it. Others of us only think about it when safety is threatened. So if you want to have great relationships, it's great to know how to be a safe person for others to be around.
Use a Friendly Tone and Words
How we speak to each other matters a lot. People who grew up in unsafe homes often had adults around who used loud voices and harsh language. Since neurons that wire together fire together, being around those who speak loudly and use critical language or curse words can feel threatening.
I went to research how common lying is and was shocked at how often people lie! And many of the lies are about inconsequential things.
The thing is, if you are caught in a white lie by someone who has a trauma history, or someone who is a stickler for honesty, you could ruin your trust in a moment.
When you do what you say you are going to do, when you say you are going to do it, how you say you are going to do it, your trust factor skyrockets. Go for that.
Drop the Judgment
Dogs have a reputation for being man's best friend. There is nothing like a dog to teach us how to be safe people and great friends. One of dog's greatest traits is that they don't judge.
They don't care if you are late, angry, forgot their birthday, or ignored them. Dogs won't criticize or try to "fix" you. They don't judge. They accept you as they are. Do the same.
Now, this doesn't mean that you let other walk all over you or take advantage. Healthy boundaries are always a good thing. It just means to stay compassionate. Be understanding. Don't judge.
Practice Healthy Boundaries
You know where you stand with safe people. They won't push you around, nor will they allow you to push them around. Safe people will tell you what they want, if they are available, how much time they have to give, etc. They expect the same of you.
This gives others freedom to show up honestly and authentically. There is nothing safer or sexier than that!
Unsafe people are often more interested in being heard and being right. Safe people are okay with listening to understand first. Once that happens, perhaps there is nothing more to say.
When that happens, silence is not awkward or uncomfortable. It deepens the moment and creates space for connection.
We all need safe people in our lives. The way to have more of them is to practice these behaviors until they become habits.
Our people are mirrors of us. When we are healthier, our people become healthier by either leveling up, or dropping away to allow different people to come into our lives.
Be the change. You can do it. If you want some help, check out my Tribe. That's what we do.