When The Love Lives Longer Than the Relationship
It happens. The love outlasts the relationship sometimes. Someone transfers with their job. Someone doesn’t feel the same as the other. Or maybe college ends and
one person is returning home.
Sometimes there are deal breakers that make a long term match untenable. Maybe there is a betrayal…
How To Get Through
Letting go when you’re angry or “done” is a lot easier than letting go when you still have love for someone and you don’t really want things to end. If you have a strategy for getting through, you will heal faster. Here are some tips.
If your ex has asked for space, honor the request. Trust that s/he knows what she needs. Honoring the request is an act of love.No breakup sex! It won’t change things, and it may make things even more messy.No stalking. I know ex’s like to check up on each other, and since they know each other’s habits, it’s easy. Don’t. It’s better if you don’t know how and what they are doing.Lean on your friends. Let yourself be supported. And have some fun. Laughter is a great way to keep your heart open.Spend time alone with your thoughts. Really notice what went wrong. Take responsibility for your part so your next relationship benefits from your growth.Plan on doing healthy, growth producing things. I know it’s tempting to hole up in bed with a remote and a box of pizza. Don’t! You’ll regret it.Take time to grieve. Important losses can cut deep into our soul. It may take some time to feel whole again.If there is anything to forgive, forgive. That means forgive yourself too.Accept it. It is what it is. If you didn’t get closure, write a letter to your ex. Read the letter to an empty chair as if it’s s/he’s there. When you are finished, burn it.If you initiated the break-up, but fear you may get weak, write out two documents. The first is a long form letter of why the relationship isn’t a good idea. Be thorough. The second is a bulleted list to carry with you to remind you NOT to text or call!If you initiated the break-up, but fear you may get weak, have a back-up buddy for accountability. Ask her/him to remind you why you don’t want to open that door again. Love yourself enough to say no.
The best way to get to the other side of this is to keep moving. One day you will notice that you don’t think about it at all and it doesn’t hurt anymore.