How Do You Deal With People Who Don’t Want to Change?
You may not be able to change other people, but you do have power to make this situation better!
As With All Things, The Solution Lies With Yourself
It is frustrating to see someone else struggle, do the wrong things, or just be incorrect, isn’t it? But imagine how things could be different if instead of trying to change them, you changed yourself.I mean, it’s the only things we have control over, so why not put your effort towards something that is within your control, right? What does that mean? How would you change? Let me share a story to help explain.
Always focus on changing you
I was recently in a situation that was just like this!
Here’s what I did
Someone thought I was wrong. He kept talking to me and giving more information about how my perspective was inaccurate. He was respectful and kind, but I could tell that he was trying to change my mind.
That felt controlling.
I Could Have Pushed Back
Now, I could have pushed back, but then I would have been doing the same thing that was being done to me.
That would have put me in the seat of “judge” and making him wrong. That’s not what I wanted.
It’s All Good
So, I decided to accept things as they were. Here’s what that looks like:
I didn’t judge him or myself.I didn’t try to change what he was doing.I accepted that he was uncomfortable with me, and I let him have that discomfort.I accepted that I was not comfortable with his perspective, and decided that that it was okay to not be in conflict about it.
Always Stand in Your Power
Now, even though this started because someone else had an issue wanted to change me, because relationships are reciprocal, it doesn’t really matter where an issue starts.
Whether you instigate something or I do, we’re in the same boat together, so it’s our issue.
I chose not to try to change his mind because I accept that he’s sovereign.
He can choose what to believe, and I can too.
I can choose to ignore the manipulation and be unaffected by it.
What makes this a problem is fighting against it.
With acceptance comes peace.
You don’t need anyone to give you that. You can give it to yourself. Just choose acceptance.
So when you are tempted to control someone “for their own good,” trust that they will figure it out when they are ready, when they feel safe, and when it’s right for them.
Their time doesn’t have to be your time.
Their path doesn’t have to be your path.
Ultimately, what gives life meaning is love and connection. Love enough to let them choose the life that they want for themselves.
Who knows? Your acceptance may be the catalyst that they need to let go.