We Have to Believe We Are Magic
I’ve said it before, but “How do you anything is how you do everything.” If you live your life judging other people and yourself, you will see all the faults, misery, mistakes, and short-comings and miss all the beauty, love, potential, and wonder. It’s just not an effective way to live.
A holistic world is both Yin and Yang. It’s light and dark. Everything is available. So, where do you want to live?
Isn’t it far more interesting and wonderful to live in a world of magic, hope, and love? Since you have to be here anyway, why not stack the deck in your favor and make it a fun ride?
Judgment is Limiting
Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it’s stupid.”
Self-judgment puts you in a box, categorizes you, and limits you to the smallness of your vision.
It takes a wide and open mind to see that a fish doesn’t belong in a tree! In the water the fish can use its own brand of genius to contribute to the world.
So the fish wasn’t wrong. The vision was wrong.
What To Do Instead
If you don’t have a strategy for what you do once you stop judging yourself, you may fall back into old habits. Judging does have some useful purposes. These things will help you to get the benefit of judging yourself without the negative aspects.
Practice Discernment
Judgment places things into categories of good and bad. It’s often a moral call that grants or takes away approval.
Discernment, on the other hand, is more about a search for understanding. It’s a gathering of data.
So, if I burn my hand on the stove and say the stove is bad, that’s a judgment. If I say the stove is hot and potentially dangerous, that’s discernment.
Discernment keeps us safe and helps us to make wise choices. Judgment can separate us, harden our hearts, and remove compassion.
We’re not going into the dark woods vulnerable. We still have a sharp mind. We’re just using it in a way that allows us to be both cautious and open at the same time.
Practice Self-Compassion
Your critical thoughts came from somewhere. Whose voice is that? What did that person want?
Now look at yourself and ask yourself, “What does the little version of myself who heard that voice need?”
I can guarantee you that it isn’t more criticism, and yet sometimes we judge ourselves to sustain the criticism we got as children because we think we deserve it.
Give yourself the compassion that you didn’t get when that critical inner voice was being born.
Practice Acceptance
Acceptance is the act of acknowledging that it is what it is. There is no apology, blame, or explanations.
This doesn’t wipe away any undesirable acts or make them clean. It just means that we’re not going to pretend that they didn’t happen or act as if it can somehow go away.
When we are in a place of acceptance, the need to “do” anything evaporates. It frees us to let go.
Maybe you did somethings that we’re fabulous. Guess what? We’re all human.
Self-judgment is a chain that keeps you bound. Only you can free yourself.
It’s over. If you need to make amends, do that, and then let it go. Let it be over. If you’d like some help with that, reach out. That’s what I do.