When Your Relationship Doesn’t Nurture You
Is It Time to Go?
Everyone wants a partner who is attentive, gets them, inspires them to be the best version of themselves, and inspires them to grow. We want to see the vision of ourselves that is reflected back to us in their eyes as someone who is lovely.
But what do you do when your relationship doesn't nurture you? Is it time to go?
How Are YOU Showing Up?
My go-to response to every situation is, "What does this say about me?" In other words, how am I showing up? How am I contributing to this issue?
Since all I have control over is me, it is incredibly useful to start there. If I can shift myself and create a positive change, that's easy! I want to do that.
So, if I am being clingy, not asking for what I need, or asking for something unreasonable, I need to adjust my behavior, thoughts, or expectations. Once that's done, things may feel a lot more connected.
When Your Partner Doesn't Adjust
If you ask for what you want and have reasonable expectations, how is your partner responding? Sometimes what we need conflicts with our partners needs, values, or abilities.
If you need a lot of touch and attention and your partner likes low touch and high amounts of alone time, you may be incompatible. There is no way to get to a win/win here. If one of you is satisfied, the other may feel smothered.
If you value family and want your family around all the time, and your partner finds that a drain, that can lead to conflict or resentment.
If you love the outdoors and sports and your partner is a homebody, you may feel that you have to choose between being unsatisfied with your partner or unsatisfied without him/her.
Asking your partner to do what you want, in the way that you want it, may feel like asking him/her to choose between his/her authentic self and you. It's not a fair ask for either of you.
What Do You Do Now?
Relationships are a beautiful part of our lives. They help us to get to know ourselves better, feel a part of something outside of ourselves, and grow our hearts.
And when they don't do that, it doesn't have to mean someone failed. It doesn't have to feel like heartache.
Sometimes letting go is an act of love. It's releasing both of you so that you can have the love that you both desire with someone who is better suited to give it.
Sometimes letting go is giving yourself space to grow into the person that you want to be.
Whichever direction you go, walk in love and you will always move in the right direction.
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